And for this y.o.u are great…

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…’Nuff said, right? You’d think that this post may mention a few words about how ready I am to give birth but in all honesty, I’ve had the greatest pregnancy and I’m really okay with waiting on God’s timing for Ryder to come (seeing as how I’m due in 11 days it’s way easier to type that I am okay then to actually feel it for some reason as of late).

Life as of late has been…in a manner of words almost like I am stuck on repeat yet at the same time, just absolutely crazy. I know where I’ve gone wrong-my center, me is not in the right place all of the time. For the most part, I am pretty centered and know that everything’s going to be fine and that I’m going to get through anything because I’ve got the Word, Promise, Mind and Emotions of God. However (there’s that “however” or “but” again….), it’s that factor of I’m not always feeling this way or confident in myself and everything else. And when I don’t-it’s an extreme feeling of not loving life so much. You know when you can feel your stomach spinning and it’s just like this rush of “ugh” that comes over you and you’re like “what the heck?!?”.  It’s almost like I want to throw myself on the ground as a 3 year old would do and scream at the top of lungs that it’s just not fair that “x’ is happening or “x”, “x”,”x” (basically…these “x’s” could go on for a while if you get my drift). Logically of course, I can’t throw myself on the ground like a 3 year old and scream at the top of my lungs but illogically what I have done is drive a wedge between the person that I should be running to the most-God.

What can you do but get back up and brush yourself off again, right? Now-here’s the tough one for you all that I need some help on. The exception to this get yourself back up again is when you have identified the problem and you keep getting subjected and/or subjecting yourself to the situations and/or things that bring you back to the origin of why you are feeling that way (i.e. usually if I find that it’s hard for me to get over something I avoid the situations that would place me to be in contact with that thing such as a recovered alcoholic typically avoids alcohol and/or doesn’t on purpose place themselves smack dab in the middle of the bar). So here I am-I deal with it, get over it, wipe my hands of the issue and then BAM right back at the middle of the problem again-or even better I get put in a situation where another new problem is created to add to the one that I’m now remembering because I’m back in the originally situation or near it. Now typically I would read this and just say “duh, get out the situations and stop subjecting yourself to them” but here’s the deal…they’re with people that I can’t just remove from my life without serious consequences (such as family). So how do you deal with not completely cutting yourself off from family yet if you  don’t cut yourself off it’s just going spiral deeper but you don’t want to hurt anyone or cause major pain? Anyone have any advice  in this arena? Unfortunately…all of this is happening with the birth of our first child. Which is just…awesome.

It’s crazy how wrapped up you can get yourself in a situation and how much you realize that you absolutely don’t have control over anything but yourself. You know what’s strange to think about? It’s almost like you have a feeling of getting burned over and over again with stuff like this, right? So what does God feel like when he gets burned over and over and again? And think about how many times he’s getting burned?!? I mean, honestly, how many times have you and I sinned in the past week? Combine that with the rest of the world and yeah-ouch, that one hurts to think about. Selah

On a brighter note, I truly am excited to meet Ryder Ephraim Harris! Justin is super excited and I honestly think that he is “done with being pregnant” yet I am not?!! LOL! Every night he’s like “I can’t wait to meet you” and it’s moments like those I can’t feel/say enough how much I love this man and how awesome of a father he is going to be…it’s amazing! 11 days till my due date and all I can wonder is whose nose is going to have and eyes and will he have naturally curly hair because it’s really humid here in NC and I don’t want it to look funky! JK! LOL! If he has curly hair, he has curly hair! God’s already created him and he is going to be an awesome child and one day man of God and we can’t wait to meet him!

Now, off to spend some valuable, treasured alone time with the hubby!

Agape,
Alli

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The endless joys of the merry-go-round…

The past week has been crazy! Last Saturday Justin and I headed down to Wrightsville beach with the Stage 20 crew for a day of fun in the sun. Alright, so maybe there wasn’t a whole lot of sun-but there was some fun and of course, some sun burn. [Yes people, for the hundredth time-I do know what sun block is and I did reapply it.] Nonetheless, my sweet hubby and I came home with enough vitamin D to spread throughout entire town of Cary I do believe-we were absolutely burnt to a crisp! I’ve had sunburns before but this one has topped the list. I didn’t realize that when you’re preggo your skin can be more sensitive and that you shouldn’t really risk the sun. Fabulous! So after a week of dealing with pain, swelling, blisters and pealing I can for sure say that I am going to try hard to be a hermit the rest of the summer! The blisters are almost healed and I’m really ready to be able to work out again, so I’m hoping to have this completely wrapped up by mid-week.

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Justin and I had a baby shower for Ryder Friday night. It was awesome. It’s always amazing to see so much love and support! I am now completely overwhelmed with Ryder’s room and what to do with things-I’m such a type A personality that I want everything in it’s place, or for everything to at least have a place. I have the urge to nest but it’s like I get half way done with getting through his room and then I quit-which is highly unlike me. Hopefully soon I’ll get things squared away in there. I’ve some really awesome ideas about the superhero theme and comic book pictures and such-just need to execute it as there are only 8 weeks left until launch date. E.i.g.h.t. weeks. Holy macro kiddos-time’s gone by so quickly! I’m getting so excited/anxious to meet Ryder yet so like “um, you can stay in there a little while longer before I face the reality that I’m going to be a parent and that I have a HUGE responsibility that we have taken on..”! Mostly though, I’m super excited.

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Life has been very…well, merry-go-roundish lately. I’ve had a whirlwind of the past month with work and homelife-trip to Seattle, trip to Texas, Wrightsville Beach, Justin getting laid off, family things, and so much more that I could list that I almost feel that I’m just kind of..sitting back and watch it spin by, if that makes sense. I used to love the merry-go-round when I was younger. Now, it just kind of makes me sick. But I had a huge realization yesterday as we were on our way to church getting off of 540 and onto Capital where I was about to pass out because we have no AC in our car. It was almost like God hit me on the head and said “wake up girl-where have you been?”. I realized that I have strayed afar and been wrapped up in everything but God. Now I’m not saying that I have completely turned my back on Him or  become some crazy person (although I’m sure some could differ on the last lol) but it’s like I have become just one of the “comfortable-I know God’s going to take care of everything so I don’t need to push the envelope” type of Christians again. By this I mean-I pay my tithe, I go to church, I read the Word every now and again, and yes, after all the day’s work is get a few words in before drifting off…but I have forgotten what the feeling of quality time with God feels like. It was in the moment yesterday that I realized how far off track I was/am. I’ve been feeding and living what seemed to be like the good life yet I have not even begun to tap into what the good life is really all about or like by what God has promised us. I know that Justin is going to find the job that he is meant for and I know that we are going to be taken care of, but I crave so much more from God, and it is my goal to act upon that and seek Him out more and get to know Him more than I know anyone else, even my husband (if I know God-then I know my husband). I also have something on me that has just started up a fire inside-that I should begin writing my story. The story of me and my journey of weight loss. It’s funny because I’m really not a person to write/talk about myself and it completely puts me out my comfort zone but somehow I know that this..my story..will be used for the greater good. So with that, I have commissioned myself to begin writing. I know that God has great plans for us all, and I feel that this has been put as a task before me to complete for Him-I just hope in the end I am glorifying Him.

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Agape,

Alli

Growing up is hard to do…

So, I have made the fatal blogging mistake and have totally stopped writing all year-and now, I’m back. I do apologize however it’s been quite an adventure so far this year and of course, it’s only getting better.

So what’s been going on lately? Several things. Just made a trip back home to Texas to see my brother and his finance (now wife, dur) get married. Here’s a picture of my brother and I:

Matt and Alli Wedding

It was really great getting to my family. Most of the time Justin and I were there was spent dedicated to helping out with wedding stuff but we didn’t mind at all. It was just great being home.

Going home always leaves me with this awkward feeling after I get back. It takes a while to adjust being back in NC where my home is now. It is odd that I still call Canyon, TX home even though I haven’t lived there for over 4 years now and completely have an established life out here? Possibly. It’s odd though because every time I go back there I feel as if nothing has physically changed yet everything about me has changed. I’m not the same person I was, thank God, but I also am just..not the same. I guess due to recent events it is sometimes easier to “drift” away to the place you call home and look at how so much easier life was when you were there-no worries other than what you were going to wear out on Friday and Saturday night. But alas, this is a part of every day life-right? This growing up part. What’s that about? It’s odd that I sit here 30 weeks pregnant writing this, right? Sometimes I feel like I act way too old and never have any “fun” moments anymore but then I realize that the “fun” moments have changed, meaning, my idea of “fun” has changed. Some days though-I just want to walk around carefree if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I’m rambling at this point…

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So I’m 30 weeks. The official 10 week countdown is on until Ryder gets here. He is kicking up a storm lately and pretty much resting in my ribs at all times. Woe is me? Nah…it’s fun being pregnant. It’s just crazy to think about all of the stuff that is left to do before he gets here 🙂

Well, I’m off to host Stage 20. Hope all is well…

Agape,

Alli

The Words “sexy” and “pregnancy”-do they go together, really?

So the question of “how does one feel sexy while pregnant” has been running through my head for at least the past couple of weeks. It’s weird because my body is going through all of these changes and you just kinda have to sit back and let them happen. I mean, I still work out and I try to eat healthy (although I’ve allowed some unhealthy items back in my life-chips, why oh why do I love them so?)  and I’m pretty good about not giving into temptations but the fact remains-my body is changing to accommodate the baby. While this is exciting it’s also quite…what’s the word? “Bleh”? I’m not quite sure how to describe it. I guess that because of my past history with weight and always being so focused with the numbers on the scale it’s got me stuck in this ping pong battle in my head. I also have the factor of what “society” says, which is  “Oh you’re pregnant honey, don’t worry about it go ahead and eat that dinner for three” . Ultimately, I  just have to learn that I can’t be focused on those numbers on the scale and that as long as the baby’s ok-I’m ok (and not take that frame of mind to other extreme where you just don’t care about the numbers on the scale anymore). It’s tough nonetheless. I’ve also re-learned my body again in sense of I eat when I’m hungry and if I don’t – I pay for it!

It’s funny because I haven’t gained a lot of weight but even those few pounds that I have gained feel like a TON! I guess I really shouldn’t be complaining at this state but seriously, how does one feel sexy while being pregnant amidst all of the changes that are going on? It’s like I’m going through puberty again or something! (Random thought-many women embrace pregnancy and I’ve heard feel the sexiest they’ve felt in their lives during the 10 months however is it possible that I’m not quite at that state right now because I’m a slight control freak? Possibly so.) It’s not that I don’t feel “good” about myself-because trust me, I’m good to go but how do you not walk past a mirror and every time you do, play a game of “ugh..belly’s getting bigger,and where’d that come from? seriously?!?”

To those of you peeps who have been through this-have any advice?

On a slightly off the topic note, Justin’s grandmother turns 75 today and we’re going to celebrate it with her! It should be mucho fun (note to self: stay AWAY from the ice cream).

Agape,
Alli

It’s been a while…

It’s been a crazy long time since I’ve posted a blog, I apologize as I have broken the cardinal rule of blogging!

So as I sit here writing it’s crazy storming outside! I really think that I haven’t seen the sun in NC in like…3 months! It’s wild!

Anyway. So a lot has been going on as of late! God’s completely awesome and has already blessed us with things for the baby! Being at LWFC and associating with such awesome people rocks! Work has been super crazy, so crazy that I have taken a sabbatical (of some sort) and banned myself from going into the office and am now working from home this week so that I can get all of my projects done! I like working from home, but it also sucks to “bring work into your home” daily! So I’m almost 12 weeks and I got a call from the doctor today scheduling me for my 18 week ultra sound which is March 11. That’s wild! 12 weeks, already?!? So much to do, so little time-but alas, I will get it done!

I confirmed that Justin and I will be traveling to Texas at the end of May (I’ll be like 28 weeks along…sheesh)! It’ll be great to get to see my family-I miss them so much!

Hope all is well and thank you all for your awesomeness!

Agape,

Alli

Spring…come here!

I don’t know if it’s just me, but for the past couple of weeks I’ve been waking up every day hoping that it was spring already so I didn’t have to worry about bundling up before I go outside. Does anyone else feel this way? I’m just ready for the dreary days to go away!

On another note, I went to Jasmin’s baby shower yesterday which was awesome. I completely realized that I have no clue what the baby needs (i.e. butt paste…really? I didn’t know that they made such a product??). Alas, I will get there. I wonder if there is some book out of there with all of this knowledge? I’ll have to do some google research later today on the topic.  But God is awesome and He is already blessing us left and right with things for the baby-it’s awesome to have such a great God and friends and family who love and support you!

Well..I’m off to make chili. Have a fabulous day all!

Agape,
Alli

Embracing Life…

So Justin and I went to Stage 20 at Patrick Tobler’s house Thursday night (which was awesome) and one of the topics that got brought up was “Are you embracing life”? Hm. Am I? To a degree, I am, and in some aspects, I’m not. Are you all embracing life to the fullest? This topic has been racing throughout my head since Thursday and it would be interesting to see everyone’s response to that.

I have many things to be thankful for and here are some just off of the top of my head this morning (I don’t know why, but I just feel the need to write them):

  • An awesome church family
  • An amazing (a.m.a.z.i.n.g) husband and family
  • Being a person of integrity and honesty
  • Knowing that I am a person that can be trusted
  • Getting more close to Justin’s family and my own
  • Finding my place in the church and knowing where I belong

Well, I’m off to get dressed and head to Jasmine Kelly’s baby shower! Woohoo for babies!

Agape,
Alli

32 More Weeks to Go…

So we’ve just pretty much told everyone about me being pregnant and I open my email up this morning and read the following:

Your pregnancy: 8 weeks


See the big picture

How your baby’s growing:

New this week: Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby’s hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his “tail” is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. You may be daydreaming about your baby as one sex or the other, but the external genitals still haven’t developed enough to reveal whether you’re having a boy or a girl. Either way, your baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can’t feel it.

See what’s going on in your uterus this week. (Or see what fraternal twins look like in the womb this week.)

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby’s development.
I must admit, I’m still in the “weirded” out phase of being pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, we’re super excited and we can’t wait to have the little one but to be completely transparent it’s a hard concept to grasp that there is a baby inside of you and to think about all of the stuff you’re going to go through to get that kid out of you (it’s totally worth it, I know).

There are a ton of things that Justin and I have to get done before the baby comes. First priority is the living establishment-we’ve been believing that God will provide us with a house to live in for a couple of years now and have stood in faith on it. We’ve been diligent about paying down debts and preparing for the buy however we still have a long way to go. I know that God will provide and take care of us though because we are servants and givers into His kingdom and His Word does not lie.

Pastor Steve preached last night on fear…I’m not fearful of the baby once it gets here simply because I’ve pretty much taken care of infants from the age of 12 and I know them pretty well (although I’m pretty sure that I think I know them and I really don’t and will find out once the baby comes lol). To be completely honest I’m little bit “eh” of all of the unknowns along the way. Meaning…what the heck is happening to my body, why do I act the way that I do and why can I never pin down what I actually want to eat when I’m hungry and just..yeah..there’s a whole mess of unknowns in my life right now and it’s just thrown me for a loop. At any rate, I’ll get over it. I’m only 8 weeks and so far it’s been a pretty blissful ride. I haven’t thrown up although I am nauseous a lot, a real lot. Only other complaint is how much I sleep. Seriously…I didn’t know a person could sleep this much.

I’m so thankful for this and I am truly excited no matter how much “eh” I have regarding the pregnancy. God is awesome, truly.

Agape,

Alli

Seeking the Ramah in Life…

So on to my first “bloggish” topics… (I promise, they won’t all be this long..)

I really don’t understand the who “New Year’s Eve bash” thing. I mean, I understand the resolution part although I am the type that I am always making resolutions, always evaluating where I am at, where I’m going, etc.  If you have sat with me for 5 minutes you know that I am definitely the type A personality and I want to get the maximum out of every minute here. In my mind, if you aren’t being productive or you’re not efficient with what you’re doing, I need to come in and show how to be that way. Ha. Isn’t that a great person to be around? Yes, I am a work in progress. While I have never been one to force anything on anyone else or not let anyone try it their own way a few hundred times before I get completely frustrated and have to step in;  if you were to ask me to help, watch out because you’ll get the whole kit and caboodle (so to speak).  Justin and I really didn’t do much for New Year’s Eve this year. We hung out with his family and had a pretty low key night.  It was fun, don’t get me wrong. We did the normal-you know, cooking up bookos of food, laying around, playing Wii, laughing, the normal. But I must say, the entire night I sat there thinking “why are so many people around the world going so nuts over one (well, two this year) second in time?”. Some people have a sort of sadness about the whole day and some people use it as an excuse to party and then you have me…who just sits around and looks at everyone like they’re weirdos (very adult term there isn’t it). What’s funny is that I didn’t used to be this way. I used to enjoy New Year’s Eve, of course, I was a bit “fleshy” and didn’t really have a New Year’s Eve without the party, but I can remember times when I was super excited. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m not excited about ’09 and the things to come, but you must understand, in my outlook on life-that’s every day. It’s not just one second, or one day out of the year to get all pumped up about the things to come or the things I’m going to “right”. It’s a thing that I do every day-to look for the good in life, to look at where I am, to look at where I’m going, and what I need to correct.

The definition of resolution is the following (there were several so I picked the one that I think most applies): to make a firm resolution to do something.

To do something. Let me say that again-to do something. The verb in that sentence is do-meaning, get up off your butt and go! Nine times out of ten I see so many people fail at keeping any of their resolutions because they are not willing to commit to them or even take the initiative to get up off their butt and do! I understand that most people will commit for those first few days, possibly weeks, and then February comes and March and April and all of the sudden, you are in the same place that you were at 11:59:59 PM the year before.  I too have this same problem. It is so often that I will let one thing slide and then all of the sudden, I’m back to square one. I found that it’s ok. Me, who strives for perfection, is saying that it’s ok to fail-as long as you get back up and try again. It doesn’t matter how you loose, ultimately what matters is how to get back up and brush yourself off and whether or not you’re willing to go back into the game of life and go full throttle to overcome your challenges.

I challenge myself and anyone who reads this to commit to yourself that you will get back up and try again no matter what comes your way.

Some of my current resolutions (I don’t say for this year simply because I know that some of these are lifelong resolutions):

  • Seriously, always put God first
  • Stop and smell the flowers: being Type A I tend to overlook a lot of things that isn’t happening at my “speed” of life
  • Learn at lest one new thing a day
  • Be steadfast in reading the Word daily and do not waiver (seek for the ramah)
  • Remember to be the Proverbs 31 woman
  • Appreciate everything in life
  • Always be the one that people can come to, meaning, be open

There are a ton more, but those are the main ones that come to my mind right now. You know, life is full of funny twists and turns and it’s been a pretty amazing ride so far-what is that you are looking forward to today?

Agape,

Alli

The beginning of the Blog!

So I finally have a blog. I have given in with the masses and have decided that while I will try my best to keep up with this thing it actually might be cool to have a blog-or maybe even a stress reliever. Who knows. At any rate, I have a blog!

Agape,

Alli